Three Quickies, including, I still wish I was Miranda July

I saw Vincent, Robbie and
the Married Man*
floating amidst
my mitochondria** and
Golgi Apparatus**


Some people they
end up
in your cells.
Who put them
there?
Oh I think
it was me.


Asterixes from the Title:


*Also, I dreamt that the Married Man sent me a video of his hot and edgy wife with excellent legs dancing on a stage in tie-dyed pants with her (and the Married Man's) perfect and perfectly dancing children.
"See,
she's not as obnoxious
as I made her out to be,"
was what
the Married Man wrote.


**Two of the only parts of the cell I remember from Grade Nine Science class beyond the cell membrane and the nucleus. My teacher's name was Ms. Rumball and she called my mom to tell me how loved the cell model I made out of paper maché. It was all her favourite colours, purple, turquoise and teal.
I really really really
love purple too.


On Not Using Brand-Named Q-Tips


I composted
the clumps of
toilet paper
filled
with ear wax.


I still wish I
was Miranda
July


What does it mean
to take care
of someone?
What does it mean
to be seen
and
held?
All my life
is a physical outlet.
I still wish
I was Miranda.


The End.

Don't forget
there's a tie-dye sale
tomorrow!


On the Yard Sale Strip
of Bernard
between Waverly and St. Urbain.
9ish to 4ish
Earth Day, April 22
Free Cookies.


Exuberant Bodhisattva on Facebook
Twitter: @mypelvicfloor
I Let Go

Bodhisattva Business Ventures:

Deep Cleans by Erica J. Schmidt (@deepcleanswitherica)
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Five Days of Creative Recovery
What I think about when I think about brand-named q-tips
Performative Crying in Alleys

What I think about when I think about brand-named q-tips.

What I think about
when I think about
Brand Named Q-Tips.


Every time I clean out my ears with olive oil, I think of this training I did about how to take care
of someone with Alzeimer's. (In French they call training, formation, and I find this quite poetic.)
The training's presenter was a former nurse who made the commitment to live in a L'Arche home, I think in Trois-Rivières, where she shared her life and helped take care of people with intellectual disabilities. In her home lived a tiny woman in her fifties who had both Down Syndrome and Alzeimer's. Early Alzeimers is quite common for people with Down Syndrome, and for them being fifty or sixty is rather old.


The former nurse taught us about the best order for washing body parts. That is to say, feet, armpits and buttholes last, best case scenario, with many fresh wash cloths. As for Q-tips, these she did not recommend, brand-name or otherwise. Instead, she said you could stick a damp clean wash cloth inside the person's ear and gently faire la tour. Make the rounds.


I also remember her suggesting that you take the person you are caring for out for walks whenever you could. Some people need two extra arms on either side to help them balance. Others only need one. In any case, it is usually best to walk slowly.


"Ce n'est pas du cardio pour nous autres."
Not the cardio
for us. 


I never met the tiny woman with Alzeimers who lived in Trois-Rivières. Almost certainly by now she is dead.


But I can picture her, walking slowly, being beautiful, and not using Q-tips. 


What I think about
when I think about
Brand Named Q-Tips


The Drugstore Date
with my ex-love-of-my-life
The Boatman.


I invented Drugstore Dates in February of 2012. Drugstore dates involve going to the drugstore at any pre-determined hour, with your loved one, or by yourself if you're trying to master self-compassion and/or radical self-reliance. During the Drugstore Date, you can do romantic things such as take your own or your loved one's blood pressure. You might discuss your results with your loved one, or with the pharmacist. Try not to get to competitive about something that is always changing. After the blood pressure is over, take your time perusing each aisle. From podiatric health to Family Planning, each drug store aisle offers something potentially exciting. Be sure to make a stop in the row of greeting cards where you can read a festive and heartfelt message aloud, no matter what holiday it is or isn't. Almost always you will be able to find an obnoxious musical greeting card which will be thrilling and liberating to open in a public space.


No one should leave a Drugstore Date without making some sort of non-regrettable purchase that can serve as a thoughtful and non-regrettable gift, either for yourself or for the Loved One.


The greatest thing about the drugstore is that it abounds with items you won't regret purchasing. Examples are dandruff shampoo, a nail file, Grapefruit Perrier and Brand name Band-aids. In French they call band-aids, les pansements.


No one regrets buying any of these items. You will walk out of the drugstore with a full heart and absolutely no regrets.


On the very first Drugstore Date, the Boatman bought me some purple sparkly eye shadow. Maybe he also bought me some other contraption such as a nail file for my disgusting toenails. I know for sure, I bought him a large box of brand-name q-tips. I'm not sure if he stuck them in his ears. Definitely they were useful for applying cold sore ointment.


What I think about
when I think about
Brand Named Q-Tips


On Sunday, April 9, I saw a toddler lying back in his stroller and clutching a box of brand-name q-tips.


The fresh blue plastic-wrapped box,
his earnest clutching hands
evoked so much.
Gifted with brand-named q-tips so early in life,
this boy ,
I do not
intend to forget.


The End.

Hi.
Thanks for reading.


Exuberant Bodhisattva on Facebook
Twitter: @mypelvicfloor
I Let Go

Bodhisattva Business Ventures:

Deep Cleans by Erica J. Schmidt (@deepcleanswitherica)
Montreal Hippie Threads (@mtlhippiethreads)
Instagram: montrealhippiethreads


The Drugstore Date
All the Lonely People, Rainbows, the Big Black Dog, and Sex
Regrets


How I am violent, by Erica J. Schmidt

The Drugstore Date

For nearly a fortnight, I have been meaning to tell you all about the lovely and romantic Valentine's Day that I enjoyed with the Boatman.  We went on a date to the drugstore.  This happens to be an excellent way to keep your romance alive.  You can go to the drugstore with your loved one any day of the year.  If you do not have a loved one, the drugstore is the perfect place for you to find romance.

During your drugstore date, take your time through every aisle. That's what me and the Boatman did. Hand and hand, we perused the Hair Aisle, the Tooth Aisle, the Bad Digestion Aisle, the Stationary Aisle, the Family Planning Aisle.  The options for conversation were endless:  how to choose the perfect pair of tweezers, the perfect toothbrush, the perfect comb.    We shared intimate details with each other like the Boatman's struggles with dandruff and my struggles with toenail fungus.  Some people might say that these two afflictions are two sides of the same coin!  That's why the Boatman and I are so meant for each other.

In the greeting card aisle, we each read aloud a Heartfelt Valentine which we would not purchase.  This way we got to express our Heartfelt Feelings without spending too much money.  As the Boatman read me the Heartfelt Valentine, my heart beat fast and I blushed.  Poetry always does that to me.  So does the Boatman.

Me and the Boatman, at the peak of our romance.
We are at the airport, one of our other favourite date spots.

One of the most exciting features of the Drugstore Date is blood pressure machine.  Don't miss out.  Me and the Boatman indulged while we were waiting for the pharmacist to fill out  the Boatman's prescription for blue cold sore pills.  (For his oyster-shaped cold sore)  The suspense while we were waiting for the cuff to inflate was excruciating. My blood pressure was lower than the Boatman's, but my pulse was higher.  It must have been the heartfelt poetry.

If ever your romance wears out (which will never happen for me, but I try to think of others besides myself) , the blood pressure machine will always be there for you.  Most drugstores are open twenty-four hours a day.  What a gift.  While the cuff is inflating, you can smile at the cute white-coated pharmacist behind the counter.  He or she will be happy to answer your questions about kidney disease or thyroid inflammation.  This kind of discussion is always a real treat.

At our Drugstore Date, the Boatman and I got to wait in two line-ups.  One for the blue cold sore pills, and the regular lineup where we purchased one another's Special Gifts.  The Boatman's Special Gift to me was an emery board for my toenail fungus, a tube of toothpaste and paint-by-number eye shadow.  My Special Gift to the Boatman was an emery board even though he doesn't have toenail fungus, brandname Q-tips, and unscented aluminum-free biodegradable deodorant.   Standing in the lineup with the Boatman was just plain titillating.

Please note:  If you are going on a Drugstore Date by yourself, be sure to buy yourself a Special Gift. Choose something satisfying yet unregrettable.  Some trail mix, travel-sized vaseline, rechargeable batteries or a bottle of Perrier.  I myself am partial to brandname Q-tips, but only you can decide which Special Gift will do. 

Brandname Q-tips from Days Gone By

Some people think that when you fall in love, you become boring to hang out with.  That's totally bogus.  Me and my life are more interesting than ever.  The Drug Store Date is proof.

The End.

Exuberant Bodhisattva on Facebook
Twitter: @mypelvicfloor
I Let Go, self-help book by Erica J. Schmidt

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