Clean and Elegant

Clean and Elegant

Saturday, 4 August 2012

The Boatman Transforms Himself into a Marvellous Paradox

Section WWW of my famous and life-changing self-help book contains some life-changing advice.

Here it is:
Section WWW:  Transform yourself into a marvelous paradox. 

“How?”  you are asking.

Folks, this is how you do it:
Step 1:   Designate an inanimate object to represent you and refer to yourself as this inanimate object as often as possible.

For instance, while I was writing “I Let Go,” the Boatman and I  designated me as “the clock.”  Because I am impeccable at telling time. 

Me, the Clock.

Here is the Boatman:  

In this photo, he has an oyster-shaped coldsore and he has the dream that he and his coldsore will go viral thanks to his pretty face and his coldsore`s unique shape and intricate design.

Recently, the Boatman had another dream.  He dreamt that he too wanted to become a marvelous paradox. And so we picked an object for him.  The Boatman’s inanimate object is:

The Android Phone.

The Boatman, the Android Phone.
 The Android Phone is known for competently accomplishing multiple tasks without becoming overwrought and overcome with angst and emotion. 
Thus, these are our inanimate objects.  I , the clock, and the Boatman, the Android,  We are ready for Step 2.
Step 2:  Add human characteristics to your inanimate object.  For optimal catchiness, I would choose three.  As a clock, my human characteristics are: Emotional, Judgmental, and Fuckable.  Almost all humans can choose fuckable as one of their characteristics.  Being Fuckable is almost universal.  Since I thought of that for you, you really only need to choose two human characteristics to go along with your inanimate object. Such is the case for the Boatman, the Android.  Besides Fuckable, his human android characteristics are: Nonchalant and Artistic.

In conclusion, the Boatman is a Nonchalant, Artistic, Fuckable Android Phone.
Check out the Boatman`s Very Artistic Drawings at
Here is one of the Boatman`s Artistic Drawings about Salmon Pants:

Salmon Pants
When I was in art school I knew this guy named Radislov. He was from
Eastern Europe and would often would wear a pair of salmon coloured pants. Once my friend Felice painted the walls of an art gallery pink for a show. When Radislov came to the show his legs disappeared.
I am very satisfied with all of the Boatman`s drawings.  And I am very satisfied by the marvelous paradoxical transformation that has just taken place.
The Boatman is now a Nonchalant, Artistic, Fuckable Android while I remain an Emotional Judgmental, Fuckable clock.  We are marvellous paradoxes.  I am a marvelous, timetelling paradox.  And he is a marvelous, multi-functional paradox. What a satisfying Saturday. I wish you a similarly satisfying Saturday, filled with marvellous and satisfying  paradoxical transformations.
The End.
Exuberant Bodhisattva on Facebook
Twitter: @mypelvicfloor
I Let Go, self-help book by Erica J. Schmidt

The Big Black Dog Followed Suit and Transformed Himself into a Marvellous Paradox, but I reverted the post to draft.

Performative Grilled Cheese
Performative Text Messages

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