Clean and Elegant

Clean and Elegant

Sunday, 27 March 2011

SPRINGTIME GRANOLA: The Cereal Personality Quiz

Springtime often comes with the urge to do a complete overhaul of your life.  Perhaps you feel compelled to sell all your clothes, fly across the world and live in a muddy pond.  As the snow melts and warm breezes flood you, seemingly excellent ideas arise.  Although there is a seed of wisdom within every impulse, no enormous decision should be made without a minimal level of self-awareness.  Friends who were able to attend my Granola Party last year are good to go.  Read no further.  Fly away to a muddy pond.  But if you were so unfortunate as to miss out, this revealing quiz is for you!  A reminder that this is not a contest and God loves all cereal personality types equally.   Thus, there is no need for cheating!!!  Good luck!



1.     On a camping trip, limited to one staple delicacy, you are most likely to choose:

A)      Hot Dogs.
B)       SMORES-Ask PETE LAVOIE if you don’t know what those are.
C)       French Toast.
D)      Bagels and Cream Cheese.
E)       Spirulina Hemp Energy Bars.
F)       Whatever is locally available.

2.       The worst place to get a zit is:

A)  The unspeakable location.
B)  Between your armpit and your nipple.
C)  On your ass.
D)  On your hairline.
E)  In your ear.
F)  On your forehead.

3.       The most awesome Sesame Street character is:

A)      The puppet with the pink face who played the piano.  Betty Lou or Mary Sue or something along those lines.
B)       Cookie Monster.
C)       Oscar the Grouch.
D)      Susan the deaf lady.
E)       Elmo.
F)       The Count.

4.       For you, the optimal offspring would be

A)      A tambourine and a triangle.
B)       A budgie and a jar of ants.
C)       A girl and a boy.
D)      Two girls and one boy.
E)       One girl and two boys.
F)       Six rabbits.

5.       When you were a kid, your favourite fairy tale was

A)      Beauty and the Beast.
B)       Jack and the Beanstalk.
C)       The Little Mermaid.
D)      Snow White.
E)       Hansel and Gretel.
F)       Peter Pan.

6.       The body part which causes you the most grief is

A)Testicles or Ovaries.
B) Hair.
C) Nose.
D) Intestines large or small.
E) I am unconditionally hot, like Peter Lavoie.
F) A proportional issue such as bum-to-breast ratio.

NE TRICHEZ PAS!!!  DON'T CHEAT!  For best results, scroll down...


MOSTLY A’s:  CONGRATULATIONS, you are CORN POPS.  Deeply connected to your core values, you radiate lighthearted yet very profound wisdom. Though sometimes taken for granted, you are truly a treasure in any workplace or social setting.

MOSTLY B’S:  CONGRATULATIONS, you are REESE COCOA PUFFS.  Aesthetics and sensory experiences are  important to you.  Some may resent your poise, beauty and style, but focus on those who appreciate your talents.  You are delicious and lots of fun.

MOSTLY C’s:  CONGRATULATIONS, you are BRANFLAKES.  Your priorities lie in making sure that life runs smoothly and efficiently.  You avoid confrontations, but secretly long for something that appears beyond your reach.  Take heart though friend, you may be mistaken.

MOSTLY D’s:  CONGRATULATIONS, you are FRENCH TOAST CRUNCH.  You prefer things to be contained in crisp, compact squares.  But don’t be mislead or misleading by this simplicity.  Often your alleged “low-maintenance persona disguises an agonizing perfectionism.  Just ask Snow White.

MOSTLY E’s SLASH A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING:  CONGRATULATIONS’ you are GRANOLA.  You grace the planet with your confident and sexy presence.  However, beware of your tendency to become narcissistic and selfish.  Strive for humility.  People like that.

MOSTLY F’s:  CONGRATULATIONS, you are OATMEAL.  Warm and practical, you don’t want things to be more complicated than they have to be.  That said, you possess idealistic spiritual aspirations and long to transcend superficial trivialities.  Don’t waste your time on internet dating sites. 

FINAL NOTE:  Celebrate your brand new, crucial insight by creating a poem, story, song, painting and/or papier mach√© construction about how it feels to be your respective cereal personality.  Then take a bath.  Then send me what you made so I can decorate my new pond. XOM.

Exuberant Bodhisattva on Facebook
Twitter: @mypelvicfloor
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  1. I tested an 'Oatmeal', but I only got three F's.

  2. The puppet on Sesame Street who played the piano was Prairie Dawn!