On Friday evening, I was lucky to be invited to my first
Shabbath dinner. This was the second Jewish ceremony I have attended in the
last month or so. In August, I got to go to a Circumcision Party. People more Jewish than I tend to refer to this as a Bris. Even so, I have really been
getting in touch with my Jewish side these days. At both functions, the snacks
and conversations have been wonderful. But in comparison to the circumcision, I
think I could relate a little better to the Shabbath dinner rituals.
One of these lovely rituals was called, “Lesson of the Week.” Over dinner, with the help of the blessed wine, people were welcome to reflect upon the last six days and spontaneously share what they’d learned. It is nice to think of every week as a journey containing some sort of learning experience. Whatever you learned can help you through the days to come and if you share the lesson with your friends, it can help them too. At the end of the night, the host of the Shabbath dinner asked if I could try me to try and compile the eleven lessons of those present. I’ll give it my best shot. Here we go.
I will keep everyone’s name a secret. To help remember people’s names, we played a name game in which everyone picked an alliterative adjective (and/or Aardvark) to go with their name. In fact, I can’t really remember everyone’s alliterative adjective. I will go with the ones I remember and make up the rest.
Lesson 4, by
Talented. Talented recently began a yoga teacher training. Previously she had
done a great deal of fast-paced dynamic yoga classes. Having practiced yoga for
quite a long time, she felt pretty confident going into her training. However,
when the training started, she realized her instructors had a very technical
and anatomical approach. It made her feel out of her element and slightly
incompetent. She wondered if maybe she had made the wrong choice and she began
to beat herself up for not researching the program beforehand. And for not
already knowing all the things her instructors had to share. Then she realized,
and this is her Lesson of the Week, that actually, of course she didn’t know
everything, and this was okay and exciting. It was all a brand new learning
experience, an opportunity. She learned that if you can let your ego relax and
not be the expert on everything, you will feel immensely liberated. And learn a
whole bunch.
Lesson 5, by
Inspiring. Inspiring’s Lesson also had something to do with his Ego. It was
about accepting your ego and your thoughts whatever they are. Sometimes when
you are going through unpleasant mind states such as nervousness and envy and
resentment, there is the tendency to judge and yell at yourself to “snap out of
it.” Probably this is not the most helpful approach. This week, Inspiring
learned that sometimes you can sit with your ego during its difficult times. In
this way, the challenging mind states sometimes become easier to endure.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.” -Lao Tzu
Lesson Nine, by
Intelligent. Intelligent shared her experience during meditation class. Her
meditation instructor had encouraged her to observe her experience through her
five senses. During meditation, it’s rather common to get all in your head and
miss out on a great deal of what’s going on.
Tapping into your senses as objectively as possible can help with this,
whether you’re dealing with anxiety, boredom or excessive analysis. True to her
name, Intelligent is highly Intelligent. I was touched when she shared that she
felt shy speaking in front of the group. Many people encounter this same
challenge. As a relatively chatty and extroverted person, I sometimes forget
that freely expressing what’s inside is not as easy for everyone. I feel like
knowing this could help me to be more understanding and appreciative of where
people are coming from.
One of these lovely rituals was called, “Lesson of the Week.” Over dinner, with the help of the blessed wine, people were welcome to reflect upon the last six days and spontaneously share what they’d learned. It is nice to think of every week as a journey containing some sort of learning experience. Whatever you learned can help you through the days to come and if you share the lesson with your friends, it can help them too. At the end of the night, the host of the Shabbath dinner asked if I could try me to try and compile the eleven lessons of those present. I’ll give it my best shot. Here we go.
I will keep everyone’s name a secret. To help remember people’s names, we played a name game in which everyone picked an alliterative adjective (and/or Aardvark) to go with their name. In fact, I can’t really remember everyone’s alliterative adjective. I will go with the ones I remember and make up the rest.
Lesson 1, by
Aardvark. Aardvark’s lesson was something he learned while thinking about
improvisation. In improvisation there’s this big emphasis on living in the
present moment. But that’s an illusion because the present moment can’t really
exist without the past. So although you may feel like the ideal is to let go of
the past and “just be here now,” this probably entails putting too much
pressure on yourself.
 |
| Aardvark with Long Nose, Source |
Lesson 2, by
Soap. This week, Soap learned that you can derive intense satisfaction by
imposing just a bit of discipline on yourself. Following through with what you
set out to accomplish can be highly rewarding. She recommends it.
Lesson 3, by
Exuberant. (Well, that’s me. No big secret.) I experienced some Distress this
week and I learned that in Montreal, and hopefully in other places in the
world, there are many different outlets for Distress. On my way to the Shabbath
Dinner, I listened to a podcast that summarized a strategy for meeting your
distress. It is this sentence slash recommendation: “Please, don’t believe your
thoughts.” The podcast was by a Buddhist lady named Tara Brach. She had three
sentences that were supposed to help you avoid being too reactive in
distressing situations. I forget the middle one, but the third one had
something to do with remembering the love in the universe, and imagining that
you are being held by this love.  |
| Tara Brach says, "Please, don't believe your thoughts." Please visit Tarabrach.com |
 |
| Yoga Dork with Fanny Pack (Me). Everyone has to start somewhere. |
Lesson 6, by
Asking. Asking wanted to keep her lesson private. We’ll definitely accept her
wishes. I will just say that her lesson was very heartfelt and eloquent. Also,
I think that the core teaching in Asking’s lesson was about loving and
accepting yourself where you are. For two years, I attended Catholic mass twice
a week. I can’t remember any part of any homily, except for a handful of words from
one priest, who preached out of a simple little parish in Little Burgundy. I
think his name was Father Paul. One Sunday morning, Father Paul said, “I am
always amazed at what low opinions people have of themselves. Many people
regard themselves so very poorly.” It seems that we are all quite excellent at
treating ourselves terribly. How did we get so good at this? We are experts at
beating ourselves up. Perhaps acknowledging the struggles that may exist inside
other people’s heads can help us to be more kind and compassionate.
Lesson Seven, by
Cuddly was that if you tell yourself everything is going to be okay, usually
everything turns out okay. (Well, obviously some things turn out terribly, but
perhaps if you wait long enough, even the terrible things change.) Cuddly’s
lesson came during a camping excursion. Some of his plans were pretty open
ended and he wasn’t always sure what would happen next. He decided that
panicking and fretting about the unknown wouldn’t help. Instead he told
himself, “everything will turn out okay.” Lucky for him, it worked.
Lesson Eight, by
Dashing or it might have been Delightful. Or Dancing. Anyways,
Dashing/Delightful/Dancing’s lesson or the week was about not holding onto
things so hard. It had recently become clear that keeping a certain job was
becoming logistically unfeasible. Still, for whatever reason, Dashing/Delightful/Dancing
remained extremely attached to the idea of making it work. Eventually, she lost
her job. But very soon afterwards she ended up with two new part-time jobs with
better pay and less hours. Now she has the opportunity to take on new creative
projects for herself. Her other job didn’t leave any energy for such things. And
so the lesson is that sometimes when you allow yourself to let go of something,
even something you are very attached to, this letting go will often provide you
with space you didn’t realize you were missing. Hence, try not to cling to
things too tightly.
I hope it’s okay if I insert this little Lao Tzu quote right
here. It’s about letting go:“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.” -Lao Tzu
 |
| Once I wrote a book called, "I Let Go." It might be time for a sequel |
Lesson Ten, by
Exquisite. Exquisite’s lesson was to trust the path as it appears in front of
her. Introspective people who seek meaning in their lives frequently become
obsessed with which journey to take, and “what they’re meant to do with their
lives.” Ultimately, you can’t always choose the path you’re on. You can’t force
yourself onto a path or contort yourself until you comply perfectly with a
certain practice. Your path is just your life, and your life is not as easily
manipulated as you might have once believed. Better to accept your life and
path as it unfolds, rather than thwarting and torqueing it until it meets some
unattainable ideal in your head. In conclusion, if you can, try and let your
path unfold as naturally as possible. Often this turns out rather exquisitely.
Lesson Eleven, by
Aureole Borealis. Aureole Borealis was the host. Instead of an alliterative
adjective, he gets to be an Ocean Invertebrate. In fact, I just realized that I got Aureole Borealis mixed up with a Sea Anemone. When I say "Aureole Borealis," a sea anemone appears in my head. I cannot tell you why. Oops. Like many of the other lessons, Aureole Borealis's lesson had to do with meeting life, people and
situations as they are. Sometimes when things are not exactly as would you
would like, your first instinct is to quickly try and change them so that your
desires match reality. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always work. But this week
Aureole Borealis learned that if you gently accept circumstances with patience,
very often something very beautiful arises. Patience requires discipline, and –
patience. Although certainly this is not always the easiest choice, it might be
worth a try.  |
| Sea Anemone and Aureole Borealis. Quite Different. Ocean Invertebrate Personality Quiz, for the 84 000th time |
This concludes the eleven lessons. It was a joy and an
honour to be present for the Shabbath dinner and to hear the gifts of
everyone’s week. Thank you to Aureole Borealis and all his guests. I wish you
many more Happy Sabbaths, and the deepest peace I can think of. With Love,
Erica.
The End.
