Clean and Elegant

Clean and Elegant

Sunday, 24 July 2016

High School Reunion, Part One: Small Talk

Ten Conversation Starters for Transcending Small Talk at Your High School Reunion
1.       So good to see you. Are you married? Do you think you married the wrong person?

2.       You have children? Congratulations! How many? What has been your biggest parenting mistake so far?

3.       Wow! Your job sounds really boring! (Insert vibrant smile.)

4.       Who out of high school do you regret not hooking up with? Who do you regret hooking up with? Let’s discuss the circumstances that led to both outcomes.

5.       Are you estranged from any family members? How’d that go down?

6.       What issue tortures your brain at 3 o’clock in the morning when you can’t sleep?

7.       Describe your level of sexual fulfillment. Would you say you are very well fucked, sort of well fucked, underfucked, or not fucked at all?

8.       Have you uncovered any childhood trauma that causes you to repeatedly sabotage your romantic and/or professional life?

9.       What major health challenges have you encountered over the past ten years?

10.   Have you ever tried a threesome? Do you swing?

Bonus Haikus: Raising the Devil.

High School Reunion.
Prozac Reverberation.
I plucked my chin hairs.

I’m glad my roommate
Gave me this lovely blue dress.
Ready for small talk.

My mother worries
About my dress's sweat stains.
This is exciting.

Bonus Letter from my Grade Nine Boyfriend of Three Weeks

We both had braces and on a picnic when he tried to make out with me, I shoved a bun in his mouth.  Today, this boyfriend is exceedingly handsome and possibly rich. His letter is written inside one of the hundreds of handmade cards I used to give to just about everyone in high school in honour of any holiday I could think of.  I was especially good at drawing blue and purple elephants.
Grade Nine Boyfriend of Three Weeks: Erica UR cool. You shouldn't do all that crap for others. Doing some stuff is okay but you shouldn't do all that stuff you do or people will depend on you too much. Keep it real. And be a little selfish.

Grade Nine Boyfriend of Three Weeks just might be in this photo.
Thanks for the wonderful advice!
Bonus Haikus, Part Two

Preamble - I am in search a new haiku/texting boyfriend to replace and/or supplement the Married Man. Here are some thoughts on this matter:

I need a new muse.
The guy who tied me up last
Summer wrote to me.

He said he would not
Make much of a haiku friend
At least he’s honest.

The End.
Happy High School Reunion, PDCI! It was wonderful to see you all!
Bonus Photo from Mr. Wilson's 1992 Grade Three Class:

Guess who?!?

Drama Club Peeps!
I see glitter.

Exuberant Bodhisattva on Facebook
Twitter: @mypelvicfloor
Erica's Self-Help Book: I Let Go

Mother's Bunion
Prozac Made Me a Better Person
Memoirs of a Brief Affair

The Kiss Test
What a Beautiful Face
Performative Crying in Alleys

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