Awakened by the Exit of the Broccoli Water

Awakened by the
exit of the
broccoli water.
I hope you're alright.
You sound a bit shitty.

 

Once upon a time, there was a broccoli shirt.
The broccoli and the cauliflower
were best friends

Please
Don't worry about me.
I have a jade egg for my vagina now.
Everyone's tired
of hearing about it
Already.

Vincent suggests, "Don't shit where you eat."
But sometimes you shit
Or shit vaguely,
And still get invited
For snacks.

In other news,
The OkCupid foodies
Are naming themselves after tacos.
Unimaginable tacos
Un-vaginal tacos.
Gordon Taco.
Taco Guillaume.

Almost all the tacos
Contained iceberg lettuce.
A heart that sighs
does not have all it desires.

Taco69
plus some kind of trendy salsa
And one of those unconvincing
references to happiness.

"I am wat U R looking for."
"Who is Magareth Atwood?"
Likely
the arc
has to do
with needs.

"I hope I'm not a narcissist,"
said the Married Man.
My sense is
he hates himself
too much.

An unexplained craving for radishes.
I want to preserve my Youth!

My dear Lady,
I saw your page.
Your are
very nice
And beautiful.

Condescending Taco
Corrected a "to"
With not enough o's
Or too many.

He remarked upon
What seems to have been
My emotionally turbulent life.

Well,
I am not
a delicate flower.
Though I do have a soft spot
for Vincents and Patricks.

Hi dear Lady.
Did you receive my message?

On a Friday in September
My life's sheer lack of agency
Felt like it was something
to celebrate.

My dear Lady
I am Patrick.
Love to meet you.
Am impressed.

On a Friday in December,
after visiting several spiritual places,
we stopped on the side of the road
on the way back to Rishakesh.

I pissed for what seemed like five minutes.
None of it got on my snowsuit

While we're at it,
Ira Glass sang a song this week.
He does not sing well.
I have never heard you sing
But it made me think of you.

The End.

Exuberant Bodhisattva on Facebook
Twitter: @mypelvicfloor
I Let Go

Bodhisattva Business Ventures:
 
Deep Cleans by Erica J. Schmidt (@deepcleanswitherica)
Montreal Hippie Threads (@mtlhippiethreads)
Instagram: montrealhippiethreads

The Erica Museum
Not That Kind of Girl
Why  I am like Oprah

 

The O's in the Tôtô have Hats

This is Day Four of the Five Days of Creative Recovery Challenge. As it happens, the Challenge is taking longer than five days, which compares to when people do a 30-day ab challenge in four years. I have never done this sort of ab challenge in my whole life. That said, if you are interested in a Butt Challenge, GLUTE CAMP MONTREAL will have its very first rendition this Tuesday, May 10. Join us at 6 PM at the south-west corner of Parc Laurier. Look forward to seeing you there! Your Free Will Offering goes towards the Booty Fund.

The O's in the Tôtô have Hats by Erica J. Schmidt

I have a saying that goes, Everyone Loves a Good Patrick.
Most people’s Tupperware drawers are a total disaster.
Now I want to talk about containers.
Bassin equals a shallow receptacle. A receptacle of little depth. A basin or a bowl.

When I look out the window of my new room, I see at least six pastries. What I meant to say was, I see at least six clotheslines. 

View from my new room. I moved all my stuff via Uber. It cost $8.84.



My name is Erica, and I’m a cosmic orgasm. I am one and I want one.

Quand tu liras ce mot, nous serons rendu en l’an 2016. Je te souhaite une excellent année remplie de joie, de santé, et de sport. Les 3 S!

By the time you read this, we will already be in 2016. We’ll have already started it.

I wish you an excellent year, filled with the 3 S’s. Smiles, health, exercise and/or sports. Perhaps Glute Camp Montreal.

Bassin equals a shallow body of water. A body of water of little depth. A pond or else an ornamental lake. The Cosmic Pond. Algae and ecosystem and lily pads. Someone walked into Patrick’s building carrying a vacuum cleaner over his shoulder. The modifier dangles. Who is carrying the vacuum cleaner?

I also want to thank you for all of your support. I am gradually beginning to become what I wish to become. An accomplished person. Thank you for being there for me and for making my deepest desires come true. 

Happy New Year, Love Tôtô.



Her name is Tôtô and the o’s have hats on them. The O’s in the Tôtô have Hats.

Tôtô’s grocery list: Bread, Asparagus, pizza ristorante, collation minicus, apples, grapes, mange 499, tomatoes, whippets. 

Tôtô's Grocery List

Two empty avocado halves.

Filled with Rain.

I never remember to take off the sticker.

Lonely, bony, boring and dry.

Bassin equals bedpan

Your cells are constantly working to make sure that you don’t turn into a carrot.

Born in late fall, October tender baby's should always wear opal for protection against diseases, negative thoughts and energies.

Patrick built his walls out of bookshelves. I asked how he managed to fuck.

California makes me think of spinal cord injuries because a woman from my high school who has a spinal cord injury was supposed to go to California to become a yoga teacher. But then the balcony she was standing on broke. So did her spine so she did not go. California also makes me think of hot springs. And earthquakes.

Bassin equals pool. Your knees are a great big adventure. I smile at the darkness and you wet my face like the morning. I asked him if he could please move to Montreal to live with me. He said no.

The End.

Happy Mother's Day. 

See you at Glute Camp Montreal!

Exuberant Bodhisattva on Facebook

Twitter: @mypelvicfloor

I Let Go, by Erica J. Schmidt

About GLUTE CAMP MONTREAL:

All About GLUTE CAMP MONTREAL:

Glute Camp Montreal combines beloved hits from yoga, Jane Fonda workouts, restorative exercise, contact improv, animal flow and childhood playtime. Participants will have a marvellous time while toning their cells, connecting to their centres and reinforcing movement patterns that promote healthy, good-looking butts.

Tuesday, May 10 at 6 PM, South-west corner of Laurier Park, near the playground.

About the Instructor: 

Erica J. Schmidt has maintained a daily movement practice for centuries. After all these years, movement remains one of the deepest joys of her life. It is with great exuberance that Erica inaugurates and leads the very first rendition of Glute Camp Montreal.

I kind of feel like more than anything, Glute Camp Montreal manifests my Higher Creative Self. Like the insides match the outside. Can't wait.

Glute Camp Montreal on Facebook

Five Days of Creative Recovery

Day One

Day Two: Performative Grilled Cheese

Day Three: Deep Unyielding Depression, Part Two