Most of the world is familiar with the verb, "to
shart." Sharting occurs when you think you have to fart, and being in a
somewhat appropriate location, you let loose. Go "balls out," as Nobel at the Yoga Dragon Den puts
it. It isn't long before you realize that the fart comes with a wet, brown
stinky surprise.
I had a roommate who once threw his pyjama bottoms in the garbage. I asked him why and he said, "Ya know when you drink too much beer and then you fart and it all runs down your legs?" He was talking about a shart.
It recently occurred to me and the Boatman that sharting had an opposite, but it didn't have a name. The opposite of sharting is when you think you have to take an enormous shit. Your tummy's brewing and bloated and you know it's going to be huge. Maybe you have to go so badly that you cut in front of the old lady with a walker headed into the stall with her pink-shoed grandchildren. When you finally sit down and it's time for the beautiful explosion, all your poor anus has to offer is gas. The contours of the toilet bowl magnify both sound and odour so that the person who comes to relieve his or herself afterwards will be promptly armed with adamant accusations.
Until just a few days ago, there was no word for this tragedy. The Boatman and I considered the possibilities for at least 3 and a half days. Finally, last Wednesday, just before noon, the Boatman was on the can passing leftover breakfast gas when a breeze of inspiration came upon him and whispered into his ear the perfect word for farting on the toilet.
And the word was: Foop.
Definition: Farting on the toilet, when you think you have to poop prolifically.
Usage: "I was ready to crap out all the Harvey's poutine, but when I sat on the toilet, it was just a foop."
I had a roommate who once threw his pyjama bottoms in the garbage. I asked him why and he said, "Ya know when you drink too much beer and then you fart and it all runs down your legs?" He was talking about a shart.
It recently occurred to me and the Boatman that sharting had an opposite, but it didn't have a name. The opposite of sharting is when you think you have to take an enormous shit. Your tummy's brewing and bloated and you know it's going to be huge. Maybe you have to go so badly that you cut in front of the old lady with a walker headed into the stall with her pink-shoed grandchildren. When you finally sit down and it's time for the beautiful explosion, all your poor anus has to offer is gas. The contours of the toilet bowl magnify both sound and odour so that the person who comes to relieve his or herself afterwards will be promptly armed with adamant accusations.
Until just a few days ago, there was no word for this tragedy. The Boatman and I considered the possibilities for at least 3 and a half days. Finally, last Wednesday, just before noon, the Boatman was on the can passing leftover breakfast gas when a breeze of inspiration came upon him and whispered into his ear the perfect word for farting on the toilet.
And the word was: Foop.
Definition: Farting on the toilet, when you think you have to poop prolifically.
Usage: "I was ready to crap out all the Harvey's poutine, but when I sat on the toilet, it was just a foop."
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| The Boatman, founder of the word, "foop." Once the Boatman wore a Maxi Pad, and it was a big success. Now he has invented a new word. He's just one big success after another. |
If you're a dog, fooping usually occurs on the grass.
For everyone else, it only counts as fooping when you're on the toilet.
Just in case you're having a contest and/or keeping track.
The Big Black Dog has had many foops and sharts in his life and we love him very much.
The Big Black Dog has had many foops and sharts in his life and we love him very much.
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| Eliot,the Big Black Dog, pre or post foop or shart Exuberant Bodhisattva on Facebook Twitter: @mypelvicfloor I Let Go, self-help book by Erica J. Schmidt Snow Day (contains more invented words from the Boatman, but do not read if anything about miscarriages is triggering for you) All the Lonely People, Rainbows, the Big Black Dog, and Sex Poopy Mango Baby Wipes and the First Day of Christmas |
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