Ecstatic Adventures of the Exuberant Bodhisattva: Three Outstanding Gifts to Purchase Your Loved Ones on Black Friday

If you are going shopping on Black Friday, my first advice to you is do not get killed at Walmart. Now that that's out of the way, I will tell you what you should buy.

Nearly a month ago, I reached the auspicious age of 27. This is a multiple of 108 and the total of 3 cubed and I am very happy about it. I was also very happy about the thoughtful and generous gifts that the Boatman presented me with. 27 years old, more than a decade into my yoga career, and I am not beyond presents. Oh well. I'm okay with that.

Here are the gifts from the Boatman.

Item One: Prestigious Literature

The featured book is called "I Heart Female Orgasm." It is an extraordinary orgasm guide by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller, a couple who have experienced and inspired many female orgasms all across America and in their own bedroom. As you see in the picture, the pages have astounded and blown me away. Here's a link where you can buy it: HEARTING FEMALE ORGASM Dan Savage once said that God didn't put an exclamation point at the end of the Female Orgasm. Well, sometimes he or she does, and sometimes he or she doesn't. This book helps us learn how and why.

Item Number Two: A toy.

This toy was made by "California Exotic Novelties." Maybe you can guess what it is and give yourself a prize. The Boatman bought it at Halifax's excellent sexual merchandise and book store Venus Envy, located on 1598 Barrington Street. A couple months ago, I tried to sign up for a workshop there on the Extraordinary Female Orgasm, but not enough people signed up! Sad. And yet the fallatio workshop was full. Figures. Well, maybe next time.

Item Number Three: More Prestigious Literature

This captivating book is called, "What's your poo telling you," and it's written by Josh Richman and Anish Seth, M.D. The Boatman has never dated anyone as fascinated with poo as I am. He knew I would love this book and he was right. On the front cover, the authors promise "Loads of facts about your health." And They honour this promise and I have no complaints. Each short chapter holds a wealth of information about the myriad variations of scatological formations that you may witness before flushing. Following a compelling description, Dr. Stool weighs in on the potential causes of your poop situation be it a Monster Poo, Rambo Poo, a Sneak Attack, Déjà Poo, Soft Serve, Number Three, Camouflage Poo, or Many Many More.

Here's Dr. Stool's website

Perhaps you've heard the yogis say that the optimal stool should float, and that a sinking stool contains toxins. Well, Dr. Stool suggests that the reasons for floating are Gas and Fat. So maybe the sinkers aren't so bad. That's a relief.

Ashtangis planning on going to Mysore might benefit from this book as their innards adapt to the new and exciting climate. Just a thought.

And on that note, I'll leave you with a nice excerpt from "What's Your Poo Telling You?"

It's possible that if you've already been to India, you'll be able to relate to this type of Poop: Number Three.

Also known as Butt Piss, Liquid Poo, The Runs, Oil Spill, Hershey Squirts.... And let's save the other synonyms for when you buy the book!

Here's the Low-Down from page 40:

"Number Three

Although you know that you need to sit down for this rear deposit, Number Threes come in a liquid form and have little to no texture. When passing one, you feel as if you are urinating from the wrong side. A Number Three is often a violent discharge, sometimes with very little warning, and may often be accompanied by tremendous gaseous emissions. As you feel its sudden onset, your sense of relief that you made it to the toilet in time is quickly replaced by the ill feeling associated with the release of a Number Three. The explosiveness is so severe that it often results in brown splatter hitting the underside of the toilet seat. At times, the splatter is so great that you have to wipe remnant off your butt cheeks when you are finished. Number Threes are not pleasant."

Well said, as far as I'm concerned. Get your own copy of WIYPTY and read Dr. Stool's eloquent explanation of Number Threes. In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving to the American folks, and it wouldn't hurt to Look Before you Flush!

The End.

Thank you so much to my love the Boatman for these delightful gifts.