Clean and Elegant

Clean and Elegant

Wednesday, 29 August 2012


Pulling a Quickie here.  Here I go.

Pulling a Quickie is the opposite of Cameroning.

Pulling a Quickie can also be a crucial step in Cameroning.

Paradoxical isn't it?
The infinitive of Cameroning is "to Cameron."

Cameroning has probably been taking place for centuries, but no one is quite as good at it as R.B. Cameron, the Boatman's Dad. R.B. is so good at it that Luke Freeman, the Boatman's brother-in-law invented the verb "to Cameron" in his honour.  Thank you Mr. Freeman.

The Boatman is also very excellent at Cameroning.

Typically, the act of Cameroning begins with the Cameroner making you a very excellent proposition.  This proposition may involve eating something that is very high in gluten and very delicious.  Or maybe the Cameroner would like to take you to a beach, or on a boat ride, or on a ferris wheel.
Whatever it is, it is good enough for you to drop everything you're doing and say, Why Yes.  That would be wonderful.
So you get in the car and off you go for your gluten-rich snack, or your boat ride.  Today, let's pretend it's a boat ride.  You're very excited.  Then the Cameroner looks out the window and sees that there is Canadian Tire.  And doesn't he need clothespins?  Why yes he does.
And so the Cameroner and everyone on the way to the boat ride get out of the car.

And the Cameroner buys clothespins.  While he's at, it he remembers he also needs a strange appliance that will keep the cauliflower from clogging the kitchen sink, and a multi-directional miter saw, and adjustable shelving units.  The shelving units are mesmerizing and so are the barbecues. Barbecues, lawnmowers, storage solutions.  The Cameroner might need to pull a quickie in the fishing gear aisle while he's trying to decide.  Deciding takes a very long time, but finally the Cameroner walks out of the store with the cauliflower appliance, the saw, the shelving units and a rainbow fishing lure.

The Boatride is just around the corner. Except so is the office.  Actually, it's not.  The office is all the way across a bridge.   But the Cameroner looks out the window and remembers.  He has to scan his passport for some form he forgot to fill out last Wednesday.  Scan it and print it.  It is all of utmost importance, so you cross the long, long bridge to the office.  Like Canadian Tire, the office is a sensuous and captivating place.  There are filing cabinets, fax machines and a wide-screen monitor.  It's wonderful to see what the company website looks like on the wide screen.  The Cameroner shows you, and you get to see.  Lucky you.

Your luck continues after you leave the office, and the Cameroner stops under the bridge to show you the wall of concrete panels that the company made last July.
And if you're very lucky, you might also get to go to the Art Supply Store.

Or to the the Drugstore, where the Cameroner can buy brand-name q-tips, renew his prescription against Oyster-shaped cold sores, and you can take your blood pressure.

All this is called Being Cameroned.
Incidentally, I just Cameroned you, since I promised you a quickie, but instead went on and on.

I hope you don't feel too violated.
While I'm at it, here's a clip from Cheers, featuring Tim Miller performing Titthibhasana at the end.

How did Tim Miller end up on Cheers?

Here's the whole story at The Confluence Countdown.

While I'm still at it, here I am in Titibhasana A.

I will omit self-scrutiny from the Cameroning process.  But I will say that once I wrote a post called This is my snatch, and Titibhasana.  Somehow this became one of my most popular posts of all time.  My father thought this would be terrible for my reputation and employability.

He was right:  my reputation and employment level are both terrible.
But in better news, my groundbreaking post on Ashtanga Yoga and Oral Sex has 169 views.  Why not ruin the fun and make yourself the 170th? I ruined all the fun in 2016 when I reverted This is my snatch et. al. and Ashtanga Yoga and Oral Sex to draft. It is 2016 now.
See you on Twitter @mypelvicfloor
Or find ecstasy on facebook.
And that's it.  I Let Go.  The Cameroning is Finished.
The End. 

Me and the Boatman on a Boatride. Post-Cameroning. 

No comments:

Post a Comment